Over the last month we have been discussing the word compassion. And during these discussions many of my students have lumped kindness and compassion together, as if they are the same thing. Today I am going to explore this topic and show how they are actually vastly different things. We will also look at opportunities that will allow us to grow as a martial artists and develop more black belt spirit.


Wars begin in the minds of man, and in those minds, love and compassion would have built the defenses of peace. — U Thant


So lets begin by comparing these two simple words. For those of you who follow this blog, you will know that I define “Kindness” as doing something for someone else, with no thought of repayment or recognition. It is easy to see how someone would immediately compare this with compassion. So what is my definition for “Compassion?” Compassion means to “STRUGGLE TOGETHER”. Now this may not sound like a lot of fun, but it is the true essence of my definition. Being kind is a trait that we should always display. There should always be a smile on our face, we should be friendly to everyone we meet, and leave others with a sense of happiness that lingers, long after we leave. Compassion is a much deeper commitment. Compassion means to seek out those who are struggling, roll up our sleeves, and get our hands dirty, helping them. Compassion means opening our hearts and becoming vulnerable. It is more than just a simple donation to an unknown person. It is looking the ones we are helping, in the eyes, and feeling their pain.


The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Now that we have a definition, lets look at how this can make an impact in those around you. Last night we had a lady come in for class. She makes it to class about once per month and doesn't seem to learn anything, when she is there. Many of the students hardly know her and view her as a student who will never make it to black belt. So why do I mention this, and why is she important? First, her and I have been friends / training partners for the last 20 years. She has always had the desire to accomplish her goal of black belt, but has never managed it yet. As I have known for years, she suffers from several medical issues that prevent her from being an active participant in class. Her disorder has also caused brain damage which results in memory loss. So imagine a student who has been training with her form, everyday in preparation for belt testing, then wakes up one day, and it is gone. Completely gone, to the point that she has to start over from scratch again. Hopefully everyone can immediately see why this is important.


But if we have the energy of compassion and loving kindness in us, the people around us will be influenced by our way of being and living. - Thich Nhat Hanh


So, now that we are aware of this, as compassionate martial artists, what should we do? How do we, as random students help her? What can her training partners do? Although overwhelming, the answer is simple, we must show her compassion. We should take up her struggle, right along side her, and go out of our way to help her. This may mean using code words, that can help stimulate her memory. This may mean volunteering to hold a bag so she can get in extra reps, and build muscle memory. It means becoming her friend and learning how to look for the signs, and then searching for the key to prevent her issues, before they occur. And most of all, we need to be understanding of her condition and give her the love and support that she needs to build her self-confidence and realize that her dream is within reach. We should also strive to help her know that we are all behind her giving all of the support that she needs to succeed.


No man is a true believer unless he desireth for his brother that which he desireth for himself - Muhammad


This is one example, but I want all of my students to understand how many other opportunities exist. So far, I have only discussed one young lady, but everyone knows someone in need. If a student is struggling at school, befriend them and offer to tutor them. If an elderly neighbor is having health issues, offer to mow their lawn, or help clean their house, carry in groceries, or simply sit and talk with them to help with loneliness. If someone is in a bad relationship, offer to be there when they need to talk or offer a shoulder to cry on, when the need arises. If someone is being bullied, offer to bring them to class. Help them to understand that they aren't alone, and you are there to show them another path.


While we do our good works let us not forget that the real solution lies in a world in which charity will have become unnecessary. - Chinua Achebe


Always remember, a warrior is not the one who seeks out fights. A warrior is the one who stands between the fight and the ones we love. A true warrior isn't hateful. They are caring and aware of the needs of others. A warrior understands that not every fight is fought with hands and feet, some fights are fought with the mind and heart. Part of our path, is showing compassion to those in need and leaving a legacy for others to follow.


Out of compassion I destroy the darkness of their ignorance. From within them I light the lamp of wisdom and dispel all darkness from their lives. — Bhagavad Gita

​If you ask anyone what fear is, you get a whole variety of answers. Many use it as an acronym and say that F.E.A.R., is Forget Everything And Run. Others say it means Face Everything And Rise. Still others may speak of phobias, while another might speak of much deeper tragedies such as loss of family members, job, or even health. Regardless of it's definition, FEAR affects everyone. The difference is how the individual reacts to that fear.


As both a martial artist and small business owner, I often deal with fear. I rely on a host of variables to ensure that my family is taken care of. Like everyone, I have bills to pay. I have a daughter to raise, I have a marriage to nurture. And I have a school full of students that rely on me to teach and inspire them. When I allow myself to become weak, and allow fear to creep into my life, I find many possibilities for ruin.


So why do I, and many others put ourselves out into the World, and stand against fear? Why do we risk that security? Why do we give up simplicity, and take on challenges and risks? That is the questions that I hope to answer today, as well as illustrate the rich rewards that come from overcoming those fears.


First, let me tell a story about why this topic is important to me. My daughter suffers from a rare genetic disability that effects her muscles and memory. In essence, the doctor said she would always struggle to do simple things such as walking and running, and more difficult tasks would be impossible. But, instead of giving in to the doctors sad story, we chose to place her in a different environment. Specifically, a Taekwondo mat. We decided to face some fears and put her on the mat with normal kids, kicking, punching, and sparring each other.


Every day, we would leave class with her crying and saying she wanted to quit. Every day she said she couldn't do it. Every day she felt like we hated her because we allowed her to be “tortured”. The road wasn't easy and she did not progress through the ranks at normal speed. Nothing came easy and she spent thousands of hours working, and training her body. First we started hearing comments from her teachers regarding how respectful she was becoming, then the comments changed to how focused she became. Later, we realized that her friends weren't even aware of her disability. She was able to run and play, just like everyone else.


Eventually, the hard work became her daily routine. She started to smile in class and grew to love the workouts. She started to accept responsibilities and even began teaching. She started to see that kids respected her and her abilities and she was their inspiration. One day they wanted to grow up and be just like her. At first she didn't believe what she was told, but soon she saw it was true and it made a very deep impression on her.


Several months ago, she stepped on the mat and tested for 2nd Dan. The reason I mention this is because she tested very well, but “no changed” due to a missed board break. Afterwards she had a 9th degree Grand Master, call her aside and tell her he was very impressed. She could have gone with the bare minimum requirements and passed, but instead, she challenged herself and accepted a no-change, knowing she didn't want to be average. She failed, not because she couldn't break the boards, she failed because she wanted to match the adult heavyweight males. Even I was impressed.


So lets fast forward to this past weekend. Several weeks ago, we were invited to a breaking tournament out of state. Myself and several of our students love competitive breaking, and we are always up to the challenge of breaking our own personal records. What made this weekend different is my daughter asked if she could sign up too. Surprisingly, she told me she wanted to compete. She only did one event, but walked away with a gold medal. Next time, she is looking at two events and has already begun practicing, after class. These are the actions that inspire me.


If asked, I'm sure she would say I am always tough on her, and that helps motivate her, but in reality, that strength comes from inside her. She has no idea how truly proud I am. So why do I tell this story while discussing fear? It's because every day, my daughter steps on the mat and faces that fear. She steps on the mat and does what doctors say is impossible. Every day she proves to herself that she CAN do it, and not only that, but she can do it well. She has found that by facing her fears, she steps out of her comfort zone and becomes a better person. Does she always succeed? No. But then constant success shows a lack of challenge. Will she grow up to be a successful adult? I honestly believe she will. She has learned one of the most important lessons of all. No one great has ever got there by accident.


So, next time you are faced with a challenge, look it in the eye and step forward. If it is a tournament, sign up. If it is a belt testing, show up. If it is a new job promotion, accept it. Fear will always be there, but so are the rewards. Once you have stared down fear, and won, the next time will be easier. That is the road to success.