​This month, in class, we have been discussing the word “Kindness”. This is a word that may seem very simple to explain, but very few actually accomplish. At the beginning of the month, most of my students would quote the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” This is a fantastic answer, but as you will soon see, it doesn't really cover the full depth of the word.


So let's begin with my definition of this word, “Do things for others while expecting nothing in return.” My definition is very similar except that in addition to treating others the way we want to be treated, I have included the reality that we shouldn't expect a reward.


Obviously I am preparing my students for the life lesson that not everyone, in the world, will treat them nicely. But not only that, there is also so much more to this. We all know that one person who does things, with the expectation of being seen by others. “Hey look at me, I'm a kind person because I did this.” Worse yet are those who say “I helped you last month, so you have to help me this month”.


Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. ~Jesse Jackson


As warriors, our code isn't to help others when we feel like it, or when it is convenient. Our code requires us to stand between the enemy and those we love, regardless of the situation. This doesn't mean we must always fight. Sometimes this may mean doing other tasks such as tutoring a friend for the big math exam, or helping a friend make a car repair. It may also mean taking in a friend when they are homeless, or feeding them when they are hungry. Regardless of the enemy, we should be ready to defend our loved ones, at any cost.


A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses. ~Chinese Proverb


So let's look at a couple of real examples in my own life. One that really stands out from my childhood is a story I over heard my parents discussing. My dad is a very friendly person, and he waves at everyone, every day, everywhere. One day he was driving home from work and had a flat tire. A gentleman stopped and began helping him. As my dad began talking to him, he found that this was a man that he waved at every day, for years. The gentleman felt a bond of friendship, even though they had never met, and when he saw my dad was in trouble, he took the time to stop and help. My dad's daily kindness had made an impression, and when he was in trouble, the other felt it was time to show some kindness in return.


A fellow who does things that count, doesn't usually stop to count them. ~Variation of a saying by Albert Einstein


Another, more negative example is next. My wife has a family member with a drug addiction. She has been in jail, she has been kicked out of several apartments, her boyfriend tried to kill her, they are often hungry and always fighting about something. She frequently comes to us for help, and it always ends the same way. We have helped her get a job, where she is is often tardy, or absent. We attempted to help her get a vehicle, but she chose not to do it, because she was afraid her boyfriend would be angry. We have offered her multiple places to live, just to have her pull away and live closer to her addict friends. I could continue, but the point is this. Although our desire is to help this relative, what are we actually doing? Are we subconsciously helping her get worse? How does it help her, if she doesn't appreciate it? Unfortunately, in this case, sometimes the kindest thing we can do for the ones we love is issue out some tough love. It is difficult to do, but often a tough lesson is the kindest lesson. Kindness doesn't mean we always help. Sometimes, it requires us to stand back and let the loved one fail. It is often impossible to re-build someone until they are truly ready to change their life.


Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you — not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown


As we look at our daily lives, we find many examples of times we should have been kinder. How many kids help their parents with housework? How many do it without being told? How many do it without expecting payment? I will end with a question my instructor asked on a daily basis, “What have you done for your mom and dad today?” For adults, what have you done for your family? What have you done for your neighbors? Your friends? Your co-workers? What have you done for your community? And most importantly, what have you done to create a legacy, that will carry on for many years to come? What will others say about us, after we are gone? It's a new day, go out and find someone who is in need of kindness.


Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

​You walk in for your first day of class, ready to train, but instead you observe a student being disrespectful or throwing temper tantrums. What is your immediate assumption regarding that Dojang?Today's topic is a subject that is often debated and because of it, I've seen schools make some questionable decisions. So, let's hop into this topic and discuss several viewpoints. As, I was coming up through the ranks, my instructor always talked about the benefits of martial arts. We all know that it builds strength, and confidence, as well as discipline and respect. This is a subject very few martial artists disagree on, but what if we throw in the above listed disruption? How should this be handled and should we waste our time teaching this child?


Suddenly, the subject starts to get murky and the opinions of instructors start to become varied. So why am I discussing this subject and why does it matter in the greater scheme of things? Let me begin by explaining the reason this subject weighs heavily on my heart and why I make the choices I do.


Over the years, Rochester Family Martial Arts has had a number of students that are brought in, needing discipline. This is common in every martial arts school across the country. The difference is how every instructor handles these troubled kids. Where this seems to impact us, is this; we spend a lot of money on advertising, and often run specials. It is not uncommon for us to have 5-6 new students arrive for their first class, on the same day. I am always filled with excitement, ready to make a good impression, grow our school, and share in the art that I love. That is when the disruptions occur. There is always at least one student who decides to step into class with an attitude. They fight and argue and refuse to participate. They also end up being bad partners and cause problems during warm-ups, and bag drills. They even interrupt myself and the other instructors, while we are talking, and just demonstrate a serious lack of respect, overall.


The problem then occurs when the new students, or their parents, ask why they would come to a school to learn discipline, only to see a serious lack, thereof. As a school owner, I often ask myself, how much money do I lose due to this? These situations have led me to sit down with my Master and discuss what the next step should be. He always makes the same statement – “We DON'T have to teach everyone”.


So, then, why is this still a subject of discussion? It's because even though he says it, he doesn't really believe it. At what point does business and heart clash? Those who know me, know I am a Christian and have very strong beliefs. What I like about martial arts, is there is no clash between religion and the warrior arts. But why do I even mention this? It is because I feel the Dojang is no different than a church. Many people choose not to go to church because the members may act differently outside the walls, than what they do inside. I often hear a quote, “church is for 'sinners,' not the devoted”. So how does this apply to a Dojang? It is because the Dojang is a place for the undisciplined, to come, learn, and be changed.


If we turn them away, and refuse to help them, are we fulfilling the Black Belt Code? Are we living our lives following the Tennets? Are we really making a difference in the community, if we don't reach out to those who need us most? As a business owner I have a need to pay the bills, but as a Black Belt, I choose to live my life with honor. So due to this, our beginner class will sometimes be a little disorderly. The students might occasionally be disrespectful. And myself and the other instructors might come to disagreements as to how to best handle those troubled students. But throughout all the chaos, what I look forward to most, is the day I stand in front of that student, tying on their black belt for the first time, and knowing the transformation that occurred due to my perseverance. This belief is why I step on the mat every day and tie on my black belt. I choose to follow my heart, rather than the money, and will continue to do so. I don't need to be the biggest school or the most talented students. What I need is the knowledge that I am changing the lives of every student that steps on my mat, and that I am leaving behind a legacy that will continue to change the world, for the better.

​This week, I want to pursue a common question that I hear from many beginners. Is it better to train in one single martial art or is it better to train in several? Although, today the concept of mixed martial arts is common, many martial artists still hold tight to their beliefs that mastering one art is better.

For the record, I train in Taekwondo, Hapkido, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I also have training in Japanese Jiu-Jitsu, Karate, Judo, Kickboxing, Krav Maga, Filipino Martial Arts and Shaolin Kung Fu. Am I great in every one of these arts? Definitely not. In most, I have only a basic understanding. In others I am very knowlegable. If I were in a fight and had to use these, which would I use? In that case, my list gets fairly small.

So let's examine this from both points of view. I know instructors that feel that their martial art is the best and that is all you need. Other instructors, such as myself, understand that every art has a weakness, so to train in arts that flow together in multiple zones, is far more effective. So which of us is right?

Although there might be many answers to that question, I believe that the answer falls somewhere in between. Everyone should have a martial art that they feel very comfortable with and be trained to use without thought. But, also having knowledge of other arts can aid a martial artists in unexpected situations.

For example, let's say that a Taekwondo student is defending themselves against a wrestler. Taekwondo is very effective at kicking range, moderately effective at punching range, becomes far less effective at close range, and is 'almost' useless during a takedown, or on the ground. The wrestler is ineffective at kicking range, not much better at punching range, but very effective at close contact, takedown, and ground fighting. So, who would win this fight? If the Taekwondo student could maintain the range and effectively use kicks, without being grabbed, the Taekwondo student has the definite advantage. If the wrestler gets inside the kicks and shoots in for a takedown, the wrestler has the advantage. The winner of the fight would be the student who held their advantage the longest while minimizing time spent in their weak zone.

So which martial art is better? To me that is a simple answer. The answer is whatever art you train in. All arts have strengths, and all arts have weaknesses. If you train hard enough at the strengths, you can overcome the weaknesses. So is it better to train at one art or many? Again, that is your choice. No martial artists wants to be a Jack of all Trades, and Master of None. But, that also doesn't mean that you should master on art and then stop learning.

The perfect martial artists is a perpetual student. I train in Taekwondo, every day. But, I still train in the other arts to expand my knowledge. If I ever again have to defend myself, I would focus on maintaining distance control, but if things don't go well, I am also fairly competent on the ground. Everyone should have a plan, then be ready to change that plan, almost immediately. My old Taekondo instructor used to talk about everyone having a toolbox. The more tools you have the more options you have. My Jiu-Jitsu instructor also talks about having a game plan. You should focus and train your "go-to" moves regularly, but also continually train additional moves to expand your knowledge.

So, to sum up the above. The answer is simple. Just train! It doesn't matter if it is one art or several. They are all effective against an untrained aggressor and someone properly trained in martial arts generally has enough self-control to avoid a fight. Once training becomes a life style, you quickly learn that there are always more lessons to be learned. Be open, because you never know what you might learn or when you might need it.